I could

I know who this is adressed to, but the latter does not know, and I do not wish for him to know. It could ruin a very good friendship. So this is for him: It's not ur fault.(written during summer of '05)

i wish i could force myself to say what i really want to say; do what i really want to do. if i could do anything in the world, it would be to stay in your arms forever. i could do that. but you.. you're hardheaded; stubborn; and sometimes even selfish. i despise you, and yet the attraction between us is so great, it could probably move mountains. i know what i feel for you could. i dont know why i cannot speak these words, and am sorry that it is like this. maybe things will get better.. people grow with time, and people change. maybe you will know this one day. maybe then i will know the truth.. how you feel. i do wonder. but i can wait.

(I never told him.)